Growing Younger

April 18th

I now understand what they mean by a mantle.

I was distraught over leaving my girls. My concern over their well-being seriously cannot be explained. What if they were alone? What if they needed anything? How would I know how I could serve them when we were states apart? Would anyone else take care of them? Watch over them? What if they fell through the cracks and got lost? A million questions peppered my mind and led me to tears.

And I am not a crier.

But as soon as I was formally released, I no longer felt directly responsible. The urgent, heart wrenching feeling that had followed me around for weeks like a overcast puppy dog disappeared.
What I had been feeling was directly tied to my calling. My heart had been enlarged through God's goodness. To help me. When I am motivated out of love, everything I do does not seem like work or overwhelming or stressful. He knew that and He knew me. He knew of my limited capacity to love. So He blessed me to glimpse what He sees and to feel slightly what His character is made of.

It was a miracle.

One I didn't even notice. I wonder how many more tender mercies I miss everyday.

I am loved.

That is the best kind of reassurance.