Bebe had the ability to be anything, a rock, a seatbelt, a brush, a book. I still personify inanimate objects.
Kona (pronounced Caw-nah) was more of the standard imaginary friend. I remember when I would not let my cousin sit next to me in the car, because Kona was there. I had already buckled her in. My mother, the saint that she is, invited Kona to ride in the front with her. I was concerned about the air bags, but my mother offered a convincing case.
Little me needed the companionship these friends provided. They comforted me and let me boss them around. They let me nurture them and look for their needs. I think of how I needed them to need me, how much I hated to be alone, how badly I needed to be loved, how badly I needed to love.
Miracles are never wrought without faith, prayer, and felt need.
And today I am feeling how desperately I need to love.
It is deep yearning that I do not confront often, for it causes my soul to ache and my heart to cry out in impatience and pain.
And I am afraid. So afraid. I believe that I will not achieve the happiness I desire if I am not given the chance to love with all that I am.
I need a dream that will need all the love I can give, every single day of my life for as long as I live.
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